The Right Heart, The Right Spirit

For the past few days, I am tormented. I have been mad, infuriated with my dad's aggressors. Every time i think of my dad's pain and my family's emotional battle I couldn't help myself but to think of vengeance. Words would not be enough, imprisonment is not satisfactory enough, i wish they'd feel the same physical and emotional pain my father felt. But despite this resentment I could not go completely deaf to the voice within; not able to turn away from the peace, love, comfort emanating from a holier and a more powerful persona.

I ask, am I wrong to hate? is it a transgress to be vengeful to detestable people? Is it a sin to act and talk unrighteously when hurt and wronged?

Last Sunday, I attended our church service with a heavy heart but with a searching spirit. I prayed to seek for a right heart to worship Him at least by that time, to sing praises and listen to his words devoid with my own personal circumstances but unluckily, the prayer was not enough. My heart and spirit were the same. So heavy, so unwilling though inside I am already crying. The spiritual battle was fierce. I am aware of what is happening in the spiritual world. The devil has already had a foothold on me because of the anger and hatred i feel though the Holy Spirit is too unyielding to give up on me. I knew. I feel it.

While i was on this state, i had also been thinking of what is the best offertory message I can share on the last Sunday of November, because I was tasked to do the offertory then. Should I share my father's accident and how to give in times of difficulties like this? I was thinking, thinking, taking down notes of all the ideas coming in my head until a bible verse (though not exactly the same but these words just enters my head that time) struck me suddenly, it says "what is it for a man to love his brethren who loves him and hate his brethren who hates him, do not the evil doers even do that?" ~ (Bible verse: Matthew 5:43-48 "Love your enemy")

Right. It changed me in the inside. Not all at once but I must say I am in the process of change. The bitterness is slowly eroding, the hurt ego/pride facade, as i have thought we were impenetrable, are slowly melting down, and the hard block of hate and revenge are slowly drowning. All praises and glory to my Lord Jesus Christ.

It's not an easy process, i will never know when these vengeful and hatred spirits will hit me again but am praying the Holy Spirit guides not only me but all the members of the family. It's so easy to do and say wrong things at times of trials and tribulations especially when the lives of loved ones are involve but I knew too that i'll make no difference from these people if I will continue hating them, cursing them. I know justice will still serve by God's grace but now, what is important is my father is alive and he's recuperating fast. God's mercy, blessings, and protection is still with us.

These will all be a learning experience to my family and i hope to all of you who are reading my blog. May you be blessed by continue loving your brethren whether they be your loved ones or your enemies.

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A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another (John 13:34).

But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you (Luke 6:27-28).

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse (Romans 12:14).

We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it (1 Corinthians 4:12).

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good (Romans 12:17-21).

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing (1 Peter 3:9).

Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble (1 John 2:9-10).